Meet Bear and some thoughts on being pack leader

Here he is. Bear. Right? BEAR!

Bear came into my life for a number of reasons. For one, I just wanted a pet. I looked around, I considered birds, I considered cats. Truth is, I just like dogs, and I felt the need for the special companionship a dog brings. So, why this Bear! Why this huge dog? First, I intended to look for a pug. I really loved Monty. Pugs are expensive! Then, I met Bear's owner. We had so much in common. I was, and am, convinced that there is a greater purpose to our meeting than simply Bear. She and I share so much in common; we have raised birds, we are both have military life running in our blood, we seem to share a common spirituality and she has a daughter who rides Dresage. And! She didn't want a fortune for Bear. In fact, Bear comes to me with every accoutrement known to dogs and she asked not one penney to complete the transaction. Now, while I recognize that dogs have value, and breeding dogs for profit is a worthy enterprise (my parents did, but a bit more about that, later), I had grown weary of Craigs List dog owners attempting to sell an eight year old dog for $500 plus dollars, expecting a return on what they'd invested. I see an animal's welfare as an owner's responsibility and not an investment to be returned. Bear's owner seemed to agree.

At first glance, some would say (and I'd not fault them!) that Bear is too much for me. Well, he's a Bear that's for sure. Having been raised on Carl (you all know Carl, don't you?), I have never believed that Rottweiler's are inherently evil. And, my parents raised German Long-haired daschunds and I can assure you, at least one of them was vicious, and I mean VICIOUS, despite being so small. Then, there's the not-yet-told story of how one of my neighbor's has entered my home now TWICE! uninvited, Bear seemed like a pretty good idea.

So, I pondered all the possibilities, and since Bear's owner was willing, at the slightest need, to accept Bear back into her home, I decided to go with it. And here he is.

Now, there are some who would say, and I'd be right there with them, that Bear should be immediately under my complete control. Dogs like bear are not often shown mercy should some mishap occur. Bear has some training under his belt, and he's mostly a very good dog, but he's still a two year old and in truth, Bear needs some work. So, I've read everything I can get my hands on. And (smile everyone), I've leaned heavily on the advice of one popular dog guru.

And who wouldn't? He believes that most of life's difficulties can be solved by being centered and calm. Who doesn't? I sure do, even when I can't quite achieve that goal. I understand, and accept the concept of being my dog's pack leader. Well....mostly. Some parts of it feel absolutely wrong to me. I quieted my objection by telling myself that's because I am girlie, I want my dog to be my baby. But no, that's not it. I recognize that in many, if not most situations, my animal should be absolutely under my control. I am acutely aware of the bad reputation held by Rottweilers and I am completely sympathetic with the immediate fear that passersby feel when they encounter my dog in the park. I want to indicate, by every gesture, that my animal is absolutely controlled. I cannot remove any one's fear, but at least I hope to allow them to pass by without experiencing an intense fear. So, why do I still feel not quite right about being Bear's ultimate and absolute pack leader?

I was able to identify a few of my objections, couldn't quite justify them, but I was able to identify them. The first is that I am not a dog (not today anyway). I am a human, Bear lives with me, a human. Bear does not live in his natural, unintruded upon by humans, state. Bear lives with people. People are not dogs and try as we might, we cannot be dogs (not as a general rule anyway). I suspect, that to dogs, the pack leader is very nearly God. I have no desire to be God. In fact, are there not times when the dog's instinct is more on target than my own?

Having identified these objections, I still was unable to justify them. I mean, my popular dog Guru is so handsome (pauses while all the women readers nod vigorously) and so on target, so happy, cheerful and CALM. Then today, I found it. I read the words of a New York Times writer who had obediently followed our Guru's example. All of his dog's bad habits disappeared. He was amazed. It works! Yes, so many of his animal's not so great issues seemed to be resolved.

But......(you knew there was a but, didn't you?)

So did many of his pet's lovable characteristics. No more running to the door with butt wagging, no more jumping up on the bed demanding to go out NOW! No more silly antics. No more of what makes the relationship between animals and their human caretakers so much fun.

As I type, Bear is letting me know that he wants to go outside where the grandchildren are playing. Bear is bringing his head up underneath my hand so that I cannot type. As Pack Leader, I can say, "NO! Not now! Down Bear!" But, I think Bear is right; it's time to go play with the children. And so, off we go. But tonight, every time Bear pulls on that lead during our walk, I'm going to turn and go the other way. Bear will learn that as his human owner (not his pack leader), I choose. I choose right now though, to listen to the wisdom of my pet. I'm not God, not today anyway.

Cheers!
~Lee

Slinking back in

I feel like I am sneaking - I've been a bad blogger, a slacker. I've bailed on Wish Casting Wednesday and Tarot Thursday. I've squinted my eyes each week as the reports come in and I see that pretty much no one stops by here anymore - and why would you? There's nothing new to see. I feel like I need a note from the principal in order to return to class. I can come in, can't I? For a post or two maybe?

So okay - there have been some issues going on around here. They are pretty big issues and in and out of the issues I'm struggling with being very depressed and feeling a little helpless to resolve, or even begin to address those issues. Occasionally I speak about the issues in my life - this time there are so many that it's hard to begin! But I will. (You knew that, didn't you?)

I can tell you that one of the issues is my health. I find myself getting really angry about it as I type. Really angry. I have this groovy tumor that's not going to make me REALLY SICK, but it's going to make me feel really icky, experience lots of pain and try my very resolve to get out of bed each morning. But it's not going to allow me to stop working, bail out on carrying the groceries or garner any sympathy whatsoever (I mean really!). Then there's that fibromyalgia thing and we won't even begin to discuss my irritation with that little buggaboo. And! (Might as well get it all out!) about a month ago or so, I started having panic attacks. Like I needed something else! Ya, I'm miffed.

But, anger is pointless unless it leads to right action. Not to mention that the cumulative effect of hosting that anger in my body has certainly added to the symptoms of stress which have so multiplied in the last several months. I have been exhausted beyond measure, and I've experienced the greatest pain that I can ever recall. So, in the last few months I've been trying to make some changes - and for me anyway, change works in fits and spurts. I've not been as successful as I'd hoped to be, I've not absolutely stopped drinking soda and I confess that I've not absolutely stopped smoking. But! For both of those items I've cut so far back that were I not diligently honest, I could fake you out and let you believe I'd stopped. It's much improved and as a result, I'm feeling a little bit better. Not a lot, but more than a little. Issues are always easier to accept and resolve (or at least contemplate creative resolutions) when you're not feeling physically terrible too. Poor health I think can be the beginning of a vicious cycle; and I'm trying not to interrupt that cycle.

The fun part - and I say this just in case there's anyone reading that is considering making a change - is this: Once you begin, it doesn't take a lot for the snowball to begin gathering it's own weight. The positive feelings that come from just a two baby steps provide the impetus to take the next few baby steps. For instance, drinking water (I get these groovy reminders from HassleBot every couple of hours to get a glass of water - you should try it!) - once you do it for a day or two, your body begins to love you for it and beg for more. Honest! I find now that I have just as great an urge to get a glass of water as I once did to FIND A SODA NOW! I wake up each morning and now, rather than force myself to pour a glass of water, I MUST have water. I can't say, that when facing a particularly stressful and difficult moment I don't want to retreat to my old habit (and still, often I do!) but at least I have added one positive habit. Not so bad. And, the little bit of feeling better is just fuel to the fire. (whispers, don't be afraid of change). My oldest daughter, Satori Marie (google Satori, find out what it means, it's SO perfect for this blog post!) says that the same thing will happen with exercise. She says that it won't take long before you wake and find that your body MUST MOVE. I'm not sure I believe her! But I suppose I should because starting tonight, my new walking companion, Bear, is coming to live with me! I'll write about Bear another time, but he's going to be my coach and get me moving each morning. I can't wait and I sure hope Satori is right.

A couple of things happened during my haitus which would have made great blog posts. One was this beautiful orchid you see up there. My friend had given me that orchid as a housewarming gift when I moved in here a year ago (It's really been a year since I posted about that donkey!) Several months afterwards, it dropped it's flowers and looked icky. Now, if you knew me much, when I tell you the next words, you will laugh. You will think, "Yup! That's Lee!" It looked dead, it really did! And, every week, when I watered my plants, I'd say, "I need to empty that dirt and make better use of that pretty pot." And every week, I never found time. And (this is the part that should make you smile) every week, as I stood there, watering can in hand, tending to orchid's neighbors; I was unable to resist giving him just a little water too. I mean, I was right there, eh? What could it hurt? Yeah, I know he's dead, he's really dead and sorry looking, but it's just a little water and it doesn't hurt anything. Then - several weeks ago - TADA!! There bloomed that incredible flower. Is that beautiful? It was like a sign to me. In the midst of all this rotten stuff, life goes on, beauty exists, and there are lovely surprises. It's a simple surprise, just a little flower. And in its simplicity,it is perfect. Don't you think? I welcome more of those surprises into my life!

I'll leave you with that thought. I think I'll be back soon; I'm feeling a little better and some of the issues are not quite screaming at me in the face. Still there but more like whispering behind my back. And I have to tell you all about Bear!

Cheers!
~Lee