Five Really Honest Things

I'm having a not so great day. Not-so-great day begins really last night. I wanted lentil soup - I really did! So, I made some. And, I burned it - TWICE. TWICE. Did you hear me? I burned the soup TWICE. I put it in my thermos anyway for today's work lunch. I wonder if I'll be able to eat it?

Now, I burned the soup TWICE (you did get that, right? TWICE!) because I was working on a doll. She started out so pretty, really cool fabrics. I hate her. There's something about her mouth and the tilt of her eyebrows....she looks not cute at all...in fact, she looks downright sinister. Or, maybe manic. I persisted though (are you catching a theme here? I put the burned soup in my thermos and I kept working on the sinister doll) and now, the rest of her is kind of cool looking but I've progressed too far to be able to re-do her facial features; she is doomed to look sinister...kinda of like a Boris Karlov in pink with flowers in his hair.

My doc gave me a new medication on Saturday. It was supposed to reduce pain (have I heard this before?). Maybe it will in the long run, but this morning, everything was worse than before. I thought I was going to be writing this post about the oh so wonderful drug and how I'd started the morning with a long walk and some Aikido work under the trees on my street. Pfffttt. So, my morning started weepy and feeling sorry for myself and by the time I arrived at my desk, I was in full-blown despair. For a minute, I was trying to be funny - cheer myself up you know, but despair is the right word. Then, looking around for some suitable object to froth up my despair; I decide that I am missing my daughters desperately and that a phone call, to hear voices, would cheer me up. (Insert dubious facial expression here).

So! I called Daughter #4 - why did I pick #4 you wonder? No clue; it's kind of random that way and as it turns out, Daughter #3 was there also (okay, that's a really good thing about my daughters, if you find one of them, you will usually score with at least one other, sometimes two or three - they are tight knit and for that I am extremely grateful). I tried to have a cheerful chat and ended up bawling like a baby. That's when the despair leads to fantasy - if only I was there, I could play with the grandkids, I could teach them songs and about flowers and plants in the garden; we could go to the museum and do crafts and and...(this is where it gets dangerous) and, I could fix everyone's life, make sure they eat green vegetables daily, floss, sleep regular, don't go out with psychotic men, go to bed early so they keep jobs...ok...stop...STOP...there's a reason I live here and not there. Really. There is.....just somedays, I'm not sure it's a good reason, a right reason, or a reason at all.

Then, there's that wonderful apron which I embroidered. I drew the design on with pencil, my friends assured me that it would come right out! So, this morning, I am staring at my apron, sopping wet apron. I had intended to use my lunch hour to finish up the last of the french knots, rinse it out and iron here with the wonderful industrial irons. But, that pencil drawing is NOT coming out without some heavy duty elbow grease - so, my swap will be late, my reputation ruined and I'm sure homelessness, bag-lady state is just around the corner.

Did I hit five yet? I have more - yes, I'm sure I have more. Oh yes, I'm sure I have a few more but I think the list will end with that thermos - it's talking to me., mocking me, daring me. Maybe I really, REALLY want Panera's tuna sandwich for lunch today after all.

Time to go splash water on my face and get back to being the Librarian. Take a deep breath....I've learned a few things and one of them is that old, "This too shall pass." Even despair. That's something to arouse gratitude. This too shall pass.