Living alone, as many a sage will tell you; has certain advantages. One of those is that you are granted the occasional grace, to observe your own thoughts. No, I don't mean as on the occasions when you are formally sitting; I mean on that unexpected moment when the One-Who-Observes manages to get through the thickness of the other one - the one who thinks (or not as the case may be). I had such a grace granted last Wednesday. I had dallied, browsing blogs and not paying attention to the ten thousand things which-must-be-done. I was hungry, I remembered my promise to make Crazy Aunt Purl's Blueberry Bliss. No, I am too tired, I don't feel like it, my legs hurt, there is not much time, I am tired, I don't feel like it - the one who thinks (or does not) around here isn't all that creative and will often fall back on simple repetition when necessary.
Whoa! You don't feel like it?
(ummm, where did You come from? the cushion is over there!). Well, now that you mention it; no, I don't feel like it. Hrumph!
I see...if your child were here, or your grandchildren, or your Teacher, or your One, or heck, even a hungry stranger, you would do it, even without feeling like it. With tiredness in tow, you would take care of virtually anyone else who MIGHT be hungry, much less who certainly IS hungry. Yes?
Ummm, the cushion is over there! I don't feel like it.
Okay, suit yourself...there's always McDonald's on the way. But just out of curiosity, before I head back to my cushion; why would you do this for anyone else, then?
Ummmm why would I? Because other people are more important than me? Because my ego gets off on the gratitude and praise of others? Just because I should? Ok, get honest with yourself...maybe a little bit of all of those, but more (sincerely) because I believe that CareTaking is a Holy Task and I am honored to be able to do it. Ahhhh I see....CareTaking is a Holy Task -would you repeat that, please?
And so, it occurs to me in this moment, the small me, that taking care of ME, this body that I have been priviledged to occupy, ought be part of my Holy To-Do-List. Am I not worthy of a simple, and small bit of nourishment, despite the preparer's weariness? Might the preparer's weariness be relieved by that nourishment?
I think you get my gist, eh? This conversation (which is not over by the way) is sealed by a short comment left here by Liz...she mentions self-compassion. Oh, I'd heard the term before, I don't judge myself (too harshly), I am not critical (oh really). Okay, Okay already - but I do NOT take care of myself. I do not do the Holy Caretaking necessary to nourish this body and the abiding soul. Aside from all of that just barely touched upon, that this body is a blessing and a Holy Abode; there is a simple reality which I have so clearly proven - this body cannot go on in its current state of disrepair - this body requires attention - holy, loving, gentle, CARETAKING.
More follows, which is brewing slowly. But for the moment I will close with half-remembered lyrics of a song by the Michael Stanley Band (I know, you've probably not heard of them, or you don't know that you once did), which go something like this: "When I hear, I have listened, when I walk, I can only step the way." Let those words serve as the intro for part two, to follow.
I hope your Wednesday is well, I hope your hearts are easy and your path tread gently.
Tschuss ~LeeA
P.S. I DID get my smoothie, it was wonderful! What did you do for yourself, to really take care of yourself today?
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