It is NOT Thursday

It can't be. I just don't believe it!

This morning, I woke with all sorts of thoughts spinning round my mind...I considered making a list of them for you - but I'm not sure that I want you thinking that I'm really as crazy as I sometimes am. I started with, "Are they really rationing rice?" and ended up somewhere across the galaxy with a stop in between at a thought about blogs with "my crazy world" in their title, and how come my world is so placid? (okay, I said I didn't want you to know how crazy *I* am, not that my world is crazy!)

And then, I felt it hit.....that THING, that thing that happens when you want to DO SOMETHING. In the 70's some folks (not saying who) called this incident hunger. Only I have sort of this creative incident hunger goin on. Like, I want to empty out my bedroom and paint, and make new curtains and and and and...I need a piece of furniture to refinish! That's it. Hanging my head and shuffling my feet now let me tell ya! I have an apron, two dotee dolls, a pin cushion and a couple of other little things (an altered altoids tin for Nia's toothfairy days for one, promised months ago). I can't start a new project! But I want to! So, here's a couple of photos of some old projects - maybe that will just stave away this urge (but I'm already imagining paint cans, brushes, tarps...grrrrr).I loved these two projects and I have such a great time!

Were these in your grandmother's kitchen? They were in mine, bright yellow of course. I had wanted these for years, so I was really thrilled to pick them up at Goodwill on half price day for about $5 each! Perhaps some would say I ruined any "value" by painting them blue.....ppffftttt. I like 'em! Sometime I'll share the table and chairs from the same era, which I probably also ruined by painting them blue. (It's not working, I still want to smell paint and walk on tarps!)

The other little tidbit that I wanted to share with you is this:

I WON!!! I WON!!!

That little burst of enthusiasim almost, ALMOST quells the boiling need to paint something. But it's true! Check it out over at Violaceous. I can't wait.

How cool is that? How generous is that? I think blog give aways are just so much fun and I can hardly wait until I have something worthy of giving away. It just strikes me as terribly SWEET to send something you've created off to a complete stranger. Doesn't that idea just make you smile? I hate to sound pollyanna or anything but doesn't that somehow inspire your hope for worldpeace? Well...I started to say that I'm playing - but I'm not. These simple, sweet little things arouse hope and faith in me.

And now..my To-Do list! Which, as you will notice, contains several things from my last To-Do list...potential I tell you! Embrace the potential.....also, you will notice that shopping for an old, forgotten dresser, paint, sandpaper and rolling out the tarp is NOT on my list. Thank you very much!

• Finish embroidering the apron


• Do the applique on the apron


• Sew the apron together


• Finish two dotee dolls


• One pincushion


• Clean the bathroom


• Laundry


• Finish Obama's Audacity


• look for a dresser to refinish

SSSHHHHHHH I'm just lookin!

Notice how I left off a couple things? Didn't say anything about the birdcages or my indexing assignments. Well...hrumph! Unlike SOME of you - my list doesn't usually have an end date. These are weekend "I HOPES" and weekday spillage...(oh I'm feeling quite smug now). I can add the other stuff when this list gets too short, eh? (Can't have a short list now can we???) I'm off to read some of that indexing assignment. (really! in the goodwill parking lot).

Some might say that I have a lot of nerve calling myself a knitter. The truth is, I have two finished products under my belt - and VERY MANY half finished ones. One finished item was a very (say VERY again) easy baby blanket. The blanket is knit on the diagonal, adding a stitch each row until you reach the length you'd like to achieve and then decreasing each row until you finish. The second item is a very pretty washcloth which looks like a rose petal.

That's it. That's all I've ever finished.

I knit when I was a child. I can recall hours and hours and scarf after scarf. I wonder why I stopped knitting? Two years ago, with a grandson on the way, I decided to give it a try. I decided on a whim one day to make this blanket and I'm not quite sure how I pulled it off, but I did and it was beautiful.

I'm clumsy, I'm impatient, I think I'm even sloppy. I finished the blanket for Bradley and it looked beautiful! I've knit it once again and it was so awful that I ripped it all out and now, I'm finishing up again for my another granddaughter. This time, I think it may be salvable.

I buy kniting books and needles. Spend time in knitting stores and daydream of all the projects I'd like to work. I have skeins and skeins of unknit yarn because I can't resist. I love the feel of yarn in my hands, I love everything about knitting and yet I struggle to complete even the simplest of projects. I wonder why?

Well, I think one piece of it is my internal critic. My partner pointed something out to me, when I wondered why Bradley's blanket went so well and fast while Madison's blanket has been a stop/start, rip out and start again, agonizing effort. He said that he recalled the day I decided to knit the blanket for Brad - I didn't have any expectation of the outcome, I was just looking for something to do and I picked up the needles to play. I think he might be on to something. The first piece was childlike, I was just "giving it a go" and now, I analyze and struggle and want to produce something perfect. We even went so far as to calculate the number of stitches in my diagonal blanket, the time per stitch and thus, the total time spent knitting the article. What's wrong with this picture?

I've been reading Zen and the Art of Knitting by Bernadette Murphy. I won't bother to repeat her words (it's a wonderful read, get a copy!) but I will share what was left in my consciousness at the close of the first few sections. I began to "watch" myself as I knit. Wow! Hunched over, shoulders tight, jaw tense, face twisted. No wonder I never finished anything! For the last few nights, I've taken to watching MYSELF instead of watching the lack of perfection in my work. Breath, relax the jaw, stop frowning, drop shoulders. Watch each stitch but with love and desire, not criticism. "...take it off the needle. Now, the next one." I think of Madison with each stitch, pictures of her laughing and smiling behind, "...now the next one."

The difference is incredible. As I do this more and more, the happy, peaceful memories of my childhood knitting come flooding back and I find that I am knitting faster, neater but that I am relaxed, not pressured, not completing some race. Mindful of each stitch, I find that I am enjoying the process rather than chastizing myself for the length of time it's taken (okay, Madison will be two this December!) to finish this simple project.

One thing, relax and focus on the stitch. I suspect that this will spill over into my "other" life. I have several deep and I'm sure profound thoughts about this but I'd like to knit a moment before the household wakes.

Cheers!