Dilemma

I wonder if others worry about themselves as often as I do? Maybe I just like to worry...but here's the deal...

There's a young fellow in my environment. Now, I don't especially enjoy his company; especially when I get the feeling he's been drinking. He talks a lot. And, when he talks a lot, most of it is how grateful that he is to have me in his life; how special and wonderful I am and how much I've done for him. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like he wants something from me. I want him to hush and leave me alone.

Did I mention that he has a broken leg? So, tonight, I have come home from work and I am anxious to spend several hours being ALONE. By alone; I mean ALONE. Really. Alone. Solitude. Quiet. And by quiet, I mean QUIET. No sound. Perhaps I am an unusual individual; or perhaps I am just the mother of six grown daughters and quite frankly, I'm not so hot on lots of trivial chatter. I crave solitude. And, now that my daughters are grown, I can really have some. I can have some solitude without guilt that I am neglecting someone or that I am leaving something undone. I protect my solitude fiercely.

First, he wants me to take him to the store. I'm guessing that he doesn't want to buy food. I'm being judgmental. I said that I thought I was going out shortly. Now, Broken Leg Boy wants to cook. I know, that I was supposed to get up and help him cook. I was, wasn't I? I didn't.

The noises in my kitchen get louder and louder. The guilt is setting in. He stops frequently, he's telling me what an angel I am, how he feels like God sent me to him. All this while I am sitting here thinking, "SHUT UP!" How rotten is that? So I suppose his cooking has reached a break-time. My computer room is just really a corner off the living room. There's no door. So, he sits down on the couch and turns the television on. Did I mention, when I so snarkily wrote a list of things that bug me, that the television really is at the top of my list? Once in awhile there are a few shows I enjoy - (any other 24 fans out there?) and I like a good, okay, sometimes a bad one will do, movie on Saturday night. But mostly, the television is just noise. And I wanted......

QUIET

So, being the passive/aggressive individual that I've been accused of being, and perhaps am; I walked over, got my Zune and put in the headphones and cranked it way up. Randy Travis. No one else likes Randy but me. He left. He keeps coming back as if to check up on me. Once in awhile I sing along. You know Randy sings in a deep, bass voice, right? So of COURSE, I'm singing badly, crackling and off-key. NO ONE in their right mind wants to listen to me sing Randy Travis. He's gone now. Sitting outside on the porch alone. What a (insert rotten pronoun here) I am.

How rotten am I? The poor kid, shut up all day, with a broken leg, just wanted to talk. And I, the one who likes to imagine that she is compassionate and loving, ignored him, rebuffed him, put out really crappy vibes that must have screamed, "I DO NOT LIKE YOU GO AWAY!" Was this my chance to practice lovingkindness? Was this my chance to offer some support and guidance to a young man who could surely use some? Was I really supposed to help him cook; show him a trick or two? (Like I'm a good cook - not.)

Now, instead of my quiet few hours respite before a week of preparing for my daughter's arrival, instead of peace and selfishly wallowing in my last weekend of solitude, I am sitting here feeling guilty, like I've let down my vows or something.

Sigh.

Okay - I'll turn this weekend around. I will. I promise. Hoping you have a fantastic long, lazy weekend yourself!

~Lee

The Real To-Do List

Have you ever had that feeling...you know, the one where you just need "something." I need to hug my daughter, I need to snatch up my grandson and twirl around, I need to sweep the blinkin floor, I need to have a nice, burning shot of Jameson's, I need to sing at the top of my lungs, rake the yard and jump over the fire. I need to knit a sweater tonight and I need to sculpt and I need to write poetry without words. I need to climb mountains, sleep under pine trees and shout down the holler. You know the kind of need I mean?

Alas. So, I started to make my To-Do list. It's such a comfort that list. Thanks, Lynn. Those lists are stability, consistency, order, accomplishment. I know I won't go jumpin over the fire or playing hookey from work to twirl the grandbabies. And there's something just a little melancholy about letting go those needs. And while I was lingering on the sweet goodbye kiss, I came across this over at Savoring the Details. Perfect. Zippidy Do Dah!

I did it! I did it!

These have become a pie, cooling on the stove. No, I did not take photographs of the pie. I have never made a pretty pie in my life. But, I'm betting it tastes fabulous. Okay, I'm hoping it tastes fabulous, how can you go wrong with berries and sugar, eh? Now, during the process of making my Friday Pie I had an occasion to visit an issue which I have visited too many times of late.



I try not to think about this. Really. I try hard. But, I just can't help myself! And....the issue is.....THINGS THAT BUG ME. I'd really like to pepper that statement with some "language" but, since I wish it wasn't true, since I wish things didn't bug me, I'll leave it as is. You want to hear some of the things which bug me? No? Ummmm, maybe you should stop reading because I'm going to tell you.

• The towels hanging on the stove are "nice" towels. They are for drying clean hands and looking pretty. The towels for mopping up chocolate are over THERE
• Soap belongs in the soap dish, not in the corners of the tub
• The coffee table should be mostly clear, a few necessary pretties are on the coffee table but if one wishes to have coffee, there should be a place to do so
• Used washclothes should be hung, or laid flat, not left in a heap where they will mildew fast
• Pictures should hang straight on the wall
• Chairs should be pushed in, under the table
• Knives are not screwdrivers
• Screwdrivers are in the toolchest - that's where they live
• Muddy boots should be left outside the door
• Last thing at night, when I put away the last few dishes, wipe up the last few crumbs and "close the kitchen" there should be X - X (people in the household) number of forks, spoons, glasses, cups and plates in the cupboard. That way, I do not discover come breakfast that there are X-X(100%)

I'm sure there's more. I think, somewhere along the line, that I assumed that everyone has the same rules that I have. My rules make sense to me. My rules also make it difficult when I attempt to live with other people and I'm getting this clue that people ought to be more important than rules. But, I just can't quite let go of my rules. How do you do that?

I got so annoyed with stuff that I got stopped mid-blog. It's Monday and I'm all better. Nothing is bugging me, I had a very sweet lunch-time and now an afternoon of ordering books and balancing budgets lies ahead. The pie, eaten over the weekend, was indeed tastey and there are blackberries still to pick.

~Lee

Five Good Things

I'm coming down with "something." You know the drill, sore throat, I've sneezed 96 times in the last hour, stiff neck. And, I've been really crabby for the last few days. So, it seemed like a good time to re-visit some good things.

• Touch-me-not (jewelweed). It's so pretty! And, have you ever just jumped a little when the tinyflower pops? Even though you know it's going to pop! And, jewelweed is a sure-fire cure for poison ivy. Honest! "They" say that touch-me-nots are always growing somewhere around poison ivy. Well, in Indiana that's quite true but I've not seen it so here in Seattle. So, part B of this very good thing is the mature wisdom of knowing to do a little research before I plant those seeds and release a scourge in the Pacific Northwest.
• It's no longer 95 degrees outside. YEAH!!
• My daughter is coming to live with me in just about two weeks. Yes, I'm choosing to include that in five good things! I can't wait. This girl is riotously funny, quirky, smart, HARD WORKING. She's a lot of other things too - some of which you would stumble upon if you happen to ask why the grown daughter is coming home to mom at 27 years old. Confronting squarely life's difficulties is always a good thing don't you think? No picnic ahead I suspect; but a good thing for certain.
• The loving support of the one who made this homecoming possible. Thank you.
• A quiet night, a comfy bed and knowing tomorrow will be a safe adventure.

Oh! And did I mention, Maggie is married??

Hoping your weekend is juicy, warm but not hot and filled with good things (Like the blackberry pie I'm determined to make!)

Just a few more words about the wedding

Not sure who I'm kidding about that - I'll probably post tons more about this event. But, I really wanted to share Maggie and Aaron's vows. I'd imagined, I think anyway that I imagined, that Maggie would have a Catholic service. Now, I'm not sure why exactly I imagined that; my family is as much Catholic as they are a variety of other spiritual disciplines. My daughters know the rhythm of pipe ceremony as well as they know the Sunday Mass, and they would be just as well at home in the Russian Orthodox liturgy as the Catholic. They can also sing the songs of their grandparents Baptist Wednesday night prayer meeting almost as well as I can. So, though it threw me for a moment, I was not at all disappointed. The following service and vows, are taken from The Course in Miracles which I have studied, and from which I draw many of my beliefs. Somehow, I had never seen these vows and I was delighted to hear them spoken. I hope you enjoy them also.

On behalf of Maggie and Aaron: Greetings to all of you and welcome. Thank you for coming. Maggie and Aaron are very grateful for your support, friendship, and love. Thank you to the six of you up here in the wedding party – who have the honor and duty of standing for these two today.

My name is Thomas Hendrickson and being a longtime friend of the family and having graduated from divinity school, the couple has asked me to officiate. And so it is with great honor and joy that I share of few of my thoughts and blessings with Maggie, Aaron and all of you, as well as guide this ceremony along.

This is the second wedding I’ve presided over. The first one was the wedding of my Cousin and his fiancé, in Colorado. Before I flew out there, I told the master of my Tae Kwon Do school that I would be gone for a week. He asked what I was doing and I told him I would be marrying my cousin in Denver. With a confused look on his face he carefully asked if she was my second cousin!

I am honored to assist you two dear people in joining forces. I have no doubts that this union will be much greater than the sum of its parts.

You are committing to a lifetime of humble, gentle, loyal service to each other. There is no more noble or spiritual path. For in serving each other, you are also serving yourselves and God.

Friends and family, will you all join me in silent prayer as I recite what I consider to be the “Servant’s Prayer” from A Course in Miracles…

“We are here only to be truly helpful.
We are here to represent Him Who sent us.
We do not have to worry about what to say or what to do for He Who sent us will direct us.
We are content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with us.
We will be healed as we let Him teach us to heal.”

Marriage is a Holy relationship. It is a powerful path to enlightenment. If the golden rule is “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”, then the Diamond rule is “The other is you”. In marriage, and all your relationships, practice seeing the other as perfectly innocent, for that is the truth about you. This is your personal and mutual path to love and peace.

If you wonder what innocence looks like, you have the perfect example right in your arms, - your beautiful baby Kael.

Please face each other…
Do you Maggie, take Aaron as your husband, to love and care for him, to accept him as he is, to daily choose him above all others, and to be his true friend?
If so, please say, “I DO”
Do you Aaron, take Maggie as your wife, to love and care for her, to accept her as she is, to daily choose her above all others and to be her true friend?
If so, please say, “I DO”

THE BLESSING OF THE RINGS
AND NOW I BLESS THESE RINGS AND SET THE INTENTION THAT THEY NOW BECOME SYMBOLS OF YOUR DEVOTION TO EACH OTHER AND YOUR EVERLASTING BOND OF HARMONIOUS MATRIMONY.
WILL YOU NOW FACE EACH OTHER?

You two have expressed mutual desire in creating a beautiful and holy partnership of love and spirit based upon growth, honor, loyalty.

Aaron, I would like you to take Maggie’s left hand in yours and place this ring on Maggie’s third finger. Now, as you hold it there and look into her eyes, please repeat after me:
· I promise to open and reveal to you my important joys and concerns;
· I promise to acknowledge the divinity within you
· I promise to share laughter and smiles with you more and more each day;
· I promise to share a listening ear.
· I promise to love you heart and soul, mind and spirit.


Maggie, I would like you to take Aaron’s left hand in yours and place this ring on Aaron’s third finger. Now, as you hold it there and look into his eyes, please repeat after me:

· I promise to open and reveal to you, my important joys and concerns;
· I promise to acknowledge the divinity within you – lifting it up as a beacon to steer us continually towards an uplifting union,
· I promise to cherish you, your roots, purpose and the person you are becoming as we go through life together;
· I promise to share laughter and smiles with you more and more each day;
· I promise to share a listening ear.
· I promise to love you heart and soul, mind and spirit, by the still pond, raging river, mountains and the great ocean.

THE PRONOUNCEMENT
Now that you, Maggie, and you Aaron, have made these promises to yourselves, God, and one another for what may come through thick and thin: By your sacred vows and through the giving and receiving of these rings, by your own solemnization and the blessing of everyone here, including myself; I hereby witness and declare that you are now husband and wife.

Aaron: You may now kiss the bride.

Your daily life is your temple and your religion.
Whenever you enter into it take with you - your all…
And if you would know God, be not therefore a solver of riddles.
Rather, look about you and you shall see Him playing with your children.
And look into space; you shall see Him walking in the cloud, outstretching His arms in the lightning and descending in rain.
You shall see Him smiling in the flowers, then rising and waving His hands in the trees.

Good people of this union, I present:
Maggie and Aaron Solenberg, husband and wife.

And I add, so may it be.

~Lee

I bet you were holding your breath.....

For wedding photos; yes? There she is, my Maggie. Even now it's hard to write about it without tears. Maggie has married. Really. She has. Somehow I want to share photos from five years ago when Maggie did her Goth thing...this photo is better though and one we never thought we'd see. That's her twin sister, Fran, the Maid of Honor, and, incidentally, catcher of the bouquet - and her beau caught the garter. I've a feeling another wedding is in the works. I told Meg to take care of that dress!

The officiate is an old friend of mine...more than twenty years. He and I spoke about the changes Meg's been through and one of his comments was, "Wow, I sure put my mom through some STUFF!" Yeah, I know, I was there. And look at him now, a minister. I've been thinking of that a lot since then. We live in the moment, but the moment, is only the moment - it is not writing in stone; it is not solid, it is not something we can grasp and perhaps we should not. I think we do that often - this moment is how it will always be, but never is that so. The moment is always changing. One moment my little girl is my little girl, the next an angry, near violent, rebelling and troubled teen, and the next, a smiling bride filled with confidence. Once, my friend was equally rebellious, his hair nearly to his waist, I think he changed his name three times in a few years, he lived out on the land, and did all those things we hippies did and sometimes still do. Now, he stands with my daughter, in a suit, speaking sacred words. Who could have imagined. Surely not me. His presence was a blessing, a reminder and a comfort.

And I think, let me dance in the moment, let me breathe through the moment and grant me confidence and faith as the moment flows. It's all good and I am grateful.

Not my usual kind of post

Okay - You all know that I have a whole list of meaningful, insightful, substantive posts being composed in the corners of my mind. Really. I do. You saw the list. So, I intended, today, really today, to get to putting those thoughts on screen (gosh that just does not have the same FEEL as "pen to paper" does it?) Today was the day. If only I hadn't taken that turn first and decided to get inspiration by reading a few blogs first. My pal Dana, over there, is totally responsible for distracting me into the realm of fantasy. Well, of course it's not fantasy, it's just a different meaningful and insightful than I'd planned....after all, it makes me sound pretty darned cool - someone I'd like to get to know I think. I enjoyed this diversion, and I hope you do too and I promise, really promise to get back to serious blogging tonight, tomorrow, after Maggie's wedding, (Did I mention that kidlet #5 is getting married this weekend?) soon.

Heh. Idealistic? Me?

Your result for Which Chess Piece are You Test?...

The Queen's Knight

Congrats! Only 4-5% of the population score this!

The Queen’s Knight is armed with rose-colored glasses. The mundane comes to life and nature becomes expressive of spirit. The interesting thing about this Knight is the ability to switch from fantasy to reality. There are exceptions to the rule, but this is the type that may have had imaginary friends as a youngster. Their stuffed animals also were great companions. The Queen’s Knight will see the good in almost anyone or anything – but their depth of emotion can remain hidden even from themselves. Circumstances tend to reveal sudden responses.

Not all life is rosy and this Knight is not exempt from disappointment or frustration with humanity. They may feel incompetence when dealing with their own ethical values. Things aren’t simply white black, but a grand battle of Good versus Evil. Evil must be reckoned with but Good shall eventually win. It is not that they fight evil, but that they fight for the essence of moral good. Doing something good is quite satisfactory for them and indeed increases their happiness. It is when something is not reciprocated to them that they are saddened and disappointed by others. They learn that others aren’t as self-sacrificing.

The Queen's Knight is dominated by an inner world of intense feeling and deeply rooted ethics. They seek to form their life based on their views. They are highly curious of those around them so are readily accepting of others unless their values are being threatened. They promote insight and understanding amongst others and contribute well thought ideas. They however can be a bit too idealistic.

Take Which Chess Piece are You Test? at HelloQuizzy