I promise, that Zune pouch is next. The pincushion was fun to work. I found myself approaching the project differently; when I got tired, or felt bored, I stopped. Simple. I didn't let myself feel pressured by a deadline, or just by the need to "get 'er done!' It took me nearly a month to get this little project completed. I've been allowing myself plenty of time to just sit and stare out the window, or drop my hands and do nothing. Thinking back to Jamie's post about being gentle and letting it seep into my life.
For the first time in nearly ten years, I can do as I choose. I can work a pincushion, or not. I can choose TV, or knitting, or walking. I can eat broccoli or peanuts if I want. I'm surprised how often I find myself without a clue about what I want to do, what I'd like to eat, or where I'd like to go. At first, I chastised myself - yet another opportunity to beat myself up, "You really lost yourself that far that you have no idea what to do with yourself on a rainy evening? Geeze, Lee, how dumb have you been!" Little by little, I became aware that this was not my voice in my head, but someone else's. And so, I learned to wink back at the faceless voice and says, "yeah, maybe and it's gonna be some fun figuring it out again." And then.....I sit and do nothing if I want. Absolutely nothing, in absolute silence.
Go me!
And I've been saying that a lot too. Go me!
Once in awhile, not often quite yet, I can hear another voice. This other voice is still a little soft, and still brings me quiet tears. But there's a slight, twisted grin at the end of the tears; and I discover, that I think I like that voice. It's a sweet voice, a kind voice, and a very familiar one. I think we're going to become good friends.
~Lee
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Go me. Go Lee!
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