I hate making decisions!

Whatever a decision is, I can cope with it, or, I always have found a way to cope with it. And, the truth is, I don't hate making decisions, I can be as decisive as the next person. The truth is, I hate the process of making a decision. Hand me about 3 pieces of pertinent information, give me 30 seconds and I'll make any decision. And then, right or wrong, I'll live with it. But the truth is, very often, making a decision is part of a process which takes time (or should.)

There's the information seeking/gathering process (do I sound like a librarian or what?) and then the information has to bubble and churn until it turns into knowledge. This is where I lose it generally speaking. I want to hear the problem, turn around, click my heels three times and make a decision. I HATE living in the unknown. I'd rather have a decision I hate than to live in the dark without knowing. I'd rather the teacher grade the test NOW than wait until tomorrow even if she's going to give 30 extra credit points only tomorrow.

I remember playing hide and seek when I was a kid. Close your eyes, count, seek, find. Eventually, most are found, there are a few stragglers out there somewhere but most are accounted for. Cool, I found 8 of 10, everyone come alle alle incomfree now! No no! the other seekers said, "Look a little bit longer, we'll find them!" Not me, I wanted the round done so we could move on to the next round. What's ten hiders found versus 8 hiders found? We sought long enough, now it's time to move on!

And so my friends, I'm curious about a couple of things. Yes, during this post I'm going to ask you what YOU would do, but I'm more curious about the process of how you would arrive at that decision. Don't go too quickly just because it's rhetorical - really, let me know how this would flow for you. Deal?

You'll all remember reading about some of my housing difficulties here, and here. A couple of you were kind enough to email and ask me how it had all turned out. Thanks! You'll likely recall that I evaded the question. I evaded the question because as soon as I let myself ask the question, I have to find the answer, now. Somehow the question has been asked. I can't remember who to blame for that, but I don't suppose I can wait until the day the lease is up to let the question be asked so here's the real skinny.

It turned out, in the process of getting all of that resolved, that my landlord had rented to two families where only one was allowed. My (rented) house is a single family dwelling, not a duplex. Thus, the basement sits empty without a renter and my landlord loses about a grand a month in income.

So, I would imagine, wouldn't you? that he will ask me to leave when the lease is due for resigning so that he can rent the home to someone who can rent the entire place. Because I can never let things bubble and churn, I decided to step up and face this looming question. It is uncharacteristically of me to take initiative, to step the first step but I just decided to ask the landlord what he anticipates happening with this house. He told me that he wants me to stay here and that I am welcome to get a roommate in order to make up the missing grand once the lease expires. Then, he will rent to me for the full amount that he would have made for renting two apartments. That's pretty much the answer I anticipated. So, while bummed out, I wasn't surprised. I stewed on it for the evening, and even tried to imagine living in a new house which I'd come across in the listings. Then, the next day, something curious happened. This is where I'm really curious to know what the rest of you think:

I felt like the Universe had opened up and sent me a message. The message descended on my sleepy brain from out of nowhere. "Ask the landlord for a land contract. Then, you can get your own renter, maintain your home and eventually, as the contract draws to a close in five years, you can mortgage the property yourself." Wow. This was like those billboards that sprouted up in Indianapolis when God sent the people messages, "Do I have to come down there?" I mulled it over for a bit and though presenting such a proposition would take more humph! than I usually have, it would be beneficial to both parties. This is how I saw it:

• I get to stay here in a place that really feels like home to me
• I can invest emotional energy in the garden and landscape
• My grandkids can continue at the same school
• The landlord will be alleviated of responsibility. I will carry the risk and he can relax and enjoy his extended time out of the country.
• I can choose the tenant in the basement (the code provides for landlord occupied rental agreements)
• If I remain on as just a renter though I might get a room mate, I would be the renter of record and thus responsible for any rent owed by a second tenant should they flake out. That's worth it if this is an investment in my own home, but not for the landlord's benefit - just means I am doing his job and taking his risk with no benefit.
• Hopefully at the end of the contract I can swing a mortgage

I should explain that this list comes to me in a flash. (Did I tell you, the long, drawn out part of the process is what I hate!) But, I did not send my landlord an email with my suggestion. For once in my life, I went slow, and sought out some advice. Here is some of what I heard:

• Land contracts are never, no way, no how, beneficial to the buyer. Never.
• This landlord hasn't exactly been forthright and honest with you in the past, why would you wish to engage in a longer relationship with him?
• What if something goes really wrong? Like, the plumbing or electricity blows up?
• That house is ugly, you'll be tied to it!
• You should have 20K in the bank to cover the "what-ifs" that may go wrong, and if you had that 20K, you'd not be wanting a land contract (which we all know is never good for the buyer).
  
• This is a great plan, I think you should present the plan and do your best to see it happen!
• You are paying way too much for that house, don't let him get you to pay even more.
  

What do you think readers? (I know there are hoards of you!) At first, I felt like the Universe had inspired me. Then I listened to all the naysayers and wondered if it was just my own desire and imagination that I heard. When confronted with contrary advice, do you, reader, hold fast to your initial plan, or do you, humbly accept what may be the information which should turn you the other direction? How do you ever resolve that you've taken the right path?

I am curious. I hope you'll play along - tell me what you think and why. In the end, I'll do what I want anyway - but I might learn something about how to get there!

LeeA

I drink my tea in coffee cups, how about you?

I promised the model that she would not be identified. She was so kind to slip on my apron, and tolerant of my skills. This is the apron that I just completed for a teapot or teacup themed swap. It might be one of my favorite projects thus far. The fabric was so easy to work - as though the apron practically made itself. The entire body is lined, so the apron is reversible, with the same pretty pink fabric that can be seen as the pocket accent. And, the scallops at the bottom were not nearly so difficult as I expected them to be. I filled the pockets with a little tea wallet and several tea samples. I feel in love with the fabric and later realized that the background is dotted with coffee beans! Attention to detail is something I'm working on!

It's been a long time since I sewed a garment; an apron counts as a garment, right? Of course, it's a simple garment, just right for my remembering journey. I thought of Grandmas and Aunts and all those church dinners in the basement where my family attended services. I can almost smell the banana pudding, hear my grandmothers voice and pause, waiting to linger on my Aunt Joan's voice as she says, "hon" in her own peculiar way. Lots of women are in the making of this apron, and I'm grateful for each of them.

I just love this apron and I'm glad I got enough fabric for two. It's so wonderful when a project isn't a struggle, when the work just flows.

Growth is mandatory, struggle is optional.

Cheers!

Strike Two

You know, I just had to try it again. I just had to! Strike one wasn't the most abysmal failure of my lifetime - but it was pretty bad, flowers and ribbon notwithstanding. So, I had to give it one more go!

Okay! To my credit, there's a story behind this pretty shabby ATC (which is not enhanced by the photograph). Just as I was sending my Dotee doll off to my swap partner, I noticed, as I re-read her profile, that she's an X-files fan. Well ladeeda so am I! Like, a BIG X-files fan. And then wouldn't you just know it - one more domino fell when I saw that same day, on my local Freecycle, a stack of X-files magazines up for the taking. I just couldn't resist. Before you know it, I was armed with a stack of eery,sci-fi magazines just begging to be cut up.

So, that's what I did. I cut them up. And then, well, you see and then.....

It looked a bit better before the gluing stage but somehow it just never fell into place the same way twice once I had glue in my orbit.

Still....I actually rather like it. And, I had fun. I did!

And now, I am actually planning a third attempt. Did you hear that? Planning - as in, in advance. We'll see. I'm chomping at the bit really, it might be the first time I've ever had an idea, and worked on the idea without having a "reason." No birthday, no swap, no occasion - just an idea.

I'll let you know.

The rest of the stack is safely on it's way to Indiana, out of harm's way.

It really does look (a little) better in person. Really.

I want to believe!

But I hadda do it - you understand, right?

Cheers!

P.S. It is after this ATC is completed and mailed away, and the blog post is posted when I noticed that spelling error! Whoever thought to check the spelling when cutting from a magazine! Sure makes this beginner feel more confident, eh?

I think they're singing!

I'm sure I can hear them singing! They're singing a sweet song and they carry my heart to yours.

Happy Valentines Day my friends.

I've had a spate of productivity here and I haven't been sharing much. Here are a few photos of FOs (I've wanted to say that for so long!) and I'll be back this weekend with some tender thoughts spurned by a few of these projects.

Meyers Briggs for your blog!

ESFP - The Performers
The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

This was just too funny to pass up. I am sooooooooooooooooINTJ!! I'm still laughing - only in my dreams do I even approach the middle of the E/I scale. I'm going to have to think about this one all week - how can one's writing be the absolutely and complete opposite of their waking, walking, conscious personality? I'd sure like to know how the blog was analyzed. You know you want to take this test too - g'on.. What can it hurt?

Not an Artist

I am definitely not an artist. I once fancied that I could be, hoped that I could be. When I'm having conscious days, breathing, yes, this is where I am supposed to be days, I believe that I live my life artfully. Those days are not as frequent as I like them to be. Those are the days when all's right with the world, no matter what's going on in the world. Yet, no matter how I'd like it to be so, it ain't so. I am no artist. Maybe I am a crafter - but not a very good one at that. Mostly, I am just a woman who must create. Even when I'm not very good at it, even when it frustrates me, even when it frustrates everyone around me; I must create. And I come from a long line of women who apparently felt the same MUST, who heard the same silent voice calling. I've known women in my family to create SOMETHING while waiting in funeral parlors, I've watched my grandmother sit and weep as the crochet needle flew. I've listened to my aunts hold their breath and curse (yes, really, those proper Southern women did!)and stomp away from the sewing machine only to return minutes later. What is it? Whatever it is, it was sure in evidence while these dolls emerged from my hands.

No great works of art here, not even fine craft. But the process, oh the process of these dolls. At first, I cut them out because I'd been given some pink pleather (yes, really, honest). Now, what do you do with pink pleather I ask? Toss it. That might be, though not green, wise. But I couldn't toss them. From out of nowhere, from the ethers, something said, "that's a Dotee doll!" So, I obediently cut them out and stitched on faces. I hated them. To small, too skinny, plain. This is not working. I don't like these dolls. (Some smart alek who happened to be in close company said something which sounded vaguely like, "You hate every project you start!" but I'm sure I did not hear properly). No, this is different; I really did not like these dolls. Not because I was learning something new, not because I was making mistakes, or getting sloppy. I just didn't like them! I tried to explain how this was different from all the other times I said I hated something but person in close company was unswayed. By now, I'd obligated the little dollies. They had to be completed.

The HAD to be completed. So. I completed them. Not much fancy stuff going on here - something had to be done and I did it. Yet somewhere along the line something shifted. Very slowly. And......after a stitch taken, I looked and........I liked her. Wow. I liked this dollie. REALLY. Now that they're done, I still like them. In fact, I like them a lot. If someone else had made them, I'd want to buy them. Aren't they just quirky? Silly? Goofy looking? They went to the salon together and got their hair frosted. My mind's eye has seen short, animated stories starring these two. By the end of the process, I really had bonded with my dollies.

This happens a lot - not just to me. How many times have you begun painting a room that with what you were sure was the wrong color? Or begun a dish and at first, with each testing bite you were sure it was a failure? How many times did I practice a piece of music and it just wasn't "right," or didn't suit me but by the time the obliged performance was scheduled, the piece and I had become One.

Is this because things must be whole before we can fully experience? Is it because over time we come to like something as familiarity wraps round the item and its maker? Or is it because we really shift and see something differently?

Whatever it is - I've learned, yet one more time, to trust the process. Thank you Ram Dass.

Hey! Go make a
dollie !




~Lee

Weekend Update

Oh what a wonderful weekend I had! It was just tip top and will take several posts to recap. I'll begin here though:

I got more wonderful surprises in the mail this Friday. There was, the most outrageous swap package that I can imagine. I was overwhelmed. Heidi sent me an apron, that makes sense, we joined an apron swap. The apron is just beautiful; the sweetest teacups - very Victorian pieced together with vintage fabric for the ties. I was just reeling. Then, Heidi used the same fabric, and a bit of vintage linen (a place mat I think) to make a tea towel. Then Heidi included 3 pairs (3!) of knitting needles, aluminum, double points and really big plastic needles. And THEN Heidi included a book about not to worry so much (how did she know I need to read that book!) and some tea and the cutest little heart shaped valentines tea strainer. Wow oh wow! I've never gotten such a package.

So, in a euphoria of spoiledness, I laid it all out, beautifully of course and took a million photographs. I lept to my computer and started to upload the photos. While the photos were uploading, I decided to mix up the no-knead bread that's going around on several different blogs. I found the recipe over at Curious Bird. I mixed up the recipe, after debating awhile about the difference between rapid rise and instant yeast. Nice, no hitches, okay cool! Bread doing its bread thing and now back to uploaded photos so I can blog! I'd been writing the blog about Heidi's swap gift in my mind while mixing up the bread. The only trouble was, the photos were still uploading. Did I mix that bread up that quickly? So I thought I'd make up a little tea pouch while I was waiting again - and so I did, and photos were STILL uploading.

We tried everything, and in the process, lost the last batch of photos.

Now it is obvious, and can no longer be avoided. My camera is broken. A moment of silence please. I know how much you all enjoy laughing at my terrible photo taking skills.

Only, viola! She's not REALLY broken. She just doesn't work with Windows Vista. I did tell you all about the new computer that Frannie and her SO gave me, yes? It's lightening fast. It's amazing. And, it doesn't like my camera. Fortunately, my old computer is still accessible ands so you won't be deprived of my quirky photos but, I did lose the fantastic photo of Heidi's swap. I managed to take another one but it's just not as good as the other one - you know? I'd already made up some of the tea and put the books away but here's the most beautiful apron!

Here's the detail of Heidi's apron

I'm so sorry the photos don't do justice, this apron is just dazzling to me!

But wait!
There's more!

There are Dotee Dolls and zippy pouches and tea pouches and credit card pouches and a Super Bowl Game and movies! And food! And bread!

More later my friends. I'm reading a bit of Agatha Christie each night, out loud, and I'm having growing some appreciation for the idea of not spilling everything all at once - just a bit here and a bit there.

I do hope your Monday has begun a terrific week filled with many good things.

~Lee