Battleground

This is my house. There are still some renovations going on, and there's not much of a yard yet, but doesn't it look sweet? Doesn't it look peaceful? This house appeared to be a lovely, tranquil house. It's not. My home, of late, has become such a battleground that were it not for the sweetness of grandsons and daughter, I would hate coming home. Hate it.

There is Irate Neighbor, there's Broken Leg Boy, there's yet another tenant living in the back of the property out of the camera's eye. There are missing dishes, purchased and purchased again, there are fighting cats, hostile glances, sharp voices and when those are absent, silence. There are backed-up sump pumps and soaring utilities. The tenants are left to fairly divide the utility costs amongst themselves and of course, each of us feels that no solution is fair. There is the arrival of my daughter and her sons, thought to overload the home's services, resulting in the backed-up sump pump. This, I am quite sure, is not true, but......others see things as they will. Each of us, myself included see through our own lens. My camera lens did not capture Old Indian in the back, and I wonder how much my interior lens fails to capture.

My days are a constant struggle between taking care of myself, and self-righteousness. I wallow in the turmoil of whether I am "right" and whether I am inconsiderate of others. What are a few dime-store plastic glasses, a few dollars in utility costs? Cats fight, misunderstandings arise - how much of that have I created? This night, and during the nights of interior turmoil, others have lost home and loved ones. Others live in chaos and still others did not enjoy the wonderful meal that my family shared this evening. How selfish am I? Have I really done enough to be compassionate and forgiving? Or, have I become a doormat? I rarely can land on one side or the other of that sandy line.

And then, I read something like this in my daily email which sorts itself automatically into a folder that I have labeled, "inspiration."

"A superior being does not render evil for evil. Never harm the wicked or the good or even criminals meeting death. A noble soul is always compassionate, even toward those who enjoy injuring others or who are actually committing cruel deeds--for who is without fault?" ~Ramayana (Reprinted with permission from "The Wisdom of the Hindu Gurus," edited by Timothy Freke, published by Godsfield Press.)

And, I am reminded, the only battleground is inside of me. "...Who is without fault?" Certianly not I. I am humbled, and inspired. Just as the only battleground is inside of me; peace can only be found inside of me. Everyone is exactly where they should be, and everyone is doing exactly what they should be doing. I will return to practice.

Be still and know that I am God.

Thank you Mary Frances.

~Lee