On Tuesday and Wednesday, I don't go into work until 10 AM. I work late those evenings; until 7. My daughter, who goes to school where I work (ahem, THERE'S another post topic!) has to be at school at 8. Do you get where this is going? Have I mentioned here before that this same daughter moved into her own apartment a few months ago? Ummm have I also mentioned that I rise earlier than necessary on Tuesday, prepare breakfast for both daughter and I because she had so sweetly requested that I drive her to school? I imagined it would be fine, I could squirrel myself away in some quiet place and read, knit or whatever until I needed to be "on-duty."
This was a fine plan; this offered daughter and I time during the drive to re-connect - I DO miss her you know. Yes, it was a fine plan until..................she stood me up several times. So, this morning I phoned her at 6 AM, woke her right up I did! "If you are coming, that's great, but if you're in the process of oversleeping; I am going back to bed." But of course, I didn't. I got up and made the smoothies, packed a lunch, hung around, read a few blogs. Too late for her to be on-time for school I get the phone call saying that she's on her way. Now, an interesting thing happens here. Remember, I am already dressed, lunch is packed, smoothie is made, birds are fed and watered...and I felt panic. Isn't that strange? Suddenly, observing myself, I realize that my mind is racing, and I'm physically feeling that feeling you get when you are late and must GO FAST NOW. It was several minutes into this before I caught ME and talked to ME, "Wait a second...you are not late, you don't have to be at work for several hours; FRAN is late." Wow. Wow. Mother's Day lingers in my thoughts I suppose. I had to repeat this several times, "Fran is late, Lee is not late...."
Tis so difficult to let them go. Some days it is fulfilling, delightful even to observe them as adults (as if, in our minds, they can ever be fully adults) but all too often, I'm still "momming" when I oughta be "leeing." I mean, I made her lunch! I woke her up! And I rushed myself on her behalf. Yup....I need to be doing a lot more "leeing."
And I plan to - how about you?
This was a fine plan; this offered daughter and I time during the drive to re-connect - I DO miss her you know. Yes, it was a fine plan until..................she stood me up several times. So, this morning I phoned her at 6 AM, woke her right up I did! "If you are coming, that's great, but if you're in the process of oversleeping; I am going back to bed." But of course, I didn't. I got up and made the smoothies, packed a lunch, hung around, read a few blogs. Too late for her to be on-time for school I get the phone call saying that she's on her way. Now, an interesting thing happens here. Remember, I am already dressed, lunch is packed, smoothie is made, birds are fed and watered...and I felt panic. Isn't that strange? Suddenly, observing myself, I realize that my mind is racing, and I'm physically feeling that feeling you get when you are late and must GO FAST NOW. It was several minutes into this before I caught ME and talked to ME, "Wait a second...you are not late, you don't have to be at work for several hours; FRAN is late." Wow. Wow. Mother's Day lingers in my thoughts I suppose. I had to repeat this several times, "Fran is late, Lee is not late...."
Tis so difficult to let them go. Some days it is fulfilling, delightful even to observe them as adults (as if, in our minds, they can ever be fully adults) but all too often, I'm still "momming" when I oughta be "leeing." I mean, I made her lunch! I woke her up! And I rushed myself on her behalf. Yup....I need to be doing a lot more "leeing."
And I plan to - how about you?
Posts
Well, the first step they say is recognizing the problem. So you're halfway there!!! You'll recognize yourself if you get a chance to see A Previous Engagement, the film I blogged about the other day.
ReplyDeleteIt's on my To-Do Friday Night list...the question is, do I really want to see myself? :)
ReplyDeleteWow, Lee. We wrote about nearly the same thing this morning. I wrote about "arrested development" of grown children. I see it happening with so many people I know. At one point, my adult daughter was basically using me and draining my bank account. Despite her emotional dependence and my worry about her, I announced that I was cutting her lose. It forced her to become financially independent but it was hard to do at the time.
ReplyDeleteDo more Lee, less mothery. Once you do, you won't turn back. It's great to meet our grown-up kids from strength not from weakness or being taken for granted.